The sunrise of tomorrow

Everyone is always looking for the secret to happiness and they key to success. In a world where we are constantly struggling between finding our purpose and making ends meet, it is easy to get lost and feel hopeless.

To clarify, I am not about to tell you how to achieve these things. Sorry to disappoint. Especially since I struggle with exhaustion and frustration on (almost) a daily basis. Our worries as humans are real, not only are we supposed to set food on the table and pay all our bills, but we are also supposed to live a fulfilling life full of purpose and hope, and make a difference in the world. (Ummm, when and how exactly???)

We all chase "success", but what does it even mean? I am genuinely asking. I don't have the answer. We dream of something we don't even know how to define. I think that's the key to keeping humans confused and trap them in the never-ending cycle of burnout and dissatisfaction.

It has been over a year since I have had time (or should I say, have made time) to write a blog post. I have been stuck on a loop for the past 14 months. Every day feels almost the same. I am so busy and exhausted, yet I feel like I have not made much progress. I checked my calendar before I started writing this post and went through what I have done this past year. I was shocked to see that there were very few things written in my agenda. A doctor's appointment here, a book club session there... a class here, a movie there... I sat for a minute and analyzed this. If someone who didn't know me found my calendar laying on a sidewalk and looked it over, they would probably think I had the most boring life on earth. However, that does not reflect how I feel on a day-to-day basis. To give a little context, I started drinking two cups of coffee a day after not touching caffeine in over a decade....

But, even if my life WAS boring, would that really be such a bad thing? I am the kind of person that is constantly thinking about the circumstances that people in our world are continuously facing. Both good and bad. I think of the wealthy people, the ones that seem to have everything. Those who travel the world and live exciting and luxurious lifestyles, and I wonder... what could they possibly lack in life? What do they spend their time thinking about since they don't have to worry about bills or food or rent? I think the most likely answer is that those people are so powerful and rich that all they can think about is how to get more powerful and rich. Greed is their fuel, and that seems like a miserable way of life.

And then I think about the people at the opposite end of the spectrum, the ones that have lost loved ones and their homes, those who are sleeping on the ground, people that don't have clean water to drink or decent food to eat because of war, poverty, and all the horrible and evil things that take place in our planet. I think about how they feel, what goes through their mind, and what they wish and pray for every day and night. It breaks my heart.

So... I reflected...

In the past 14 months, I have devoted my life to my children and my husband, I have continued to pursue my dream of becoming certified in more languages to utilize them in my career, I have spent time with people I love and that love me, I have traveled, I have invested in my home and remodeled my house, I have worked and made money and strengthened my career (even if some people think I'm "just" a freelancer).

Yes, there are days that I feel defeated, tired, unproductive, frustrated, and sad. I sometimes feel like I am moving too slowly towards my goals, but gradual progress is still progress. I often feel like I cannot keep up with laundry and dishes, but I always get to spend quality time with my kids. I also frequently feel like I do not make enough money to keep up with the rising costs of living, but I have a husband that will not let me or our babies go hungry.

I was speaking to someone the other day about motherhood and vocations. We talked about how everyone knows that being a mother is like having two full-time jobs, and that it is really hard to find the balance between being a "good mother" and not loosing every part of your identity in the process. She told me something that changed my perspective about not only motherhood, but also about life in its entirety. She said that children's brains are only capable of living in the moment. They do not think about what happened yesterday, and they don't wonder what will happen tomorrow. As adults, we want to have everything "done", we want dinner ready, the dishes clean, the laundry folded, and the bed made. It doesn't stop there. We want huge bank accounts, flawless marriages, prestigious careers, and luxurious retirements. We don't really enjoy or care what happens in-between, but what happens in-between is called life. When a kid is playing with flour, they are just focused on the flour, they are not concerned with how long it will take to make pasta with that flour, nor how that pasta will taste. They live in the moment, and that is why their laugh is genuine and their tears are real. It's because the NOW is their ONLY and their EVERYTHING.

I thought about this and found it beautiful. It changed the way I see my children and myself. I can relate to so many mothers that feel that there is no right answer. Mothers that choose to stay at home feel like unproductive citizens, and mothers that decide to work feel like they are falling short at home. I am not here to tell women what they should or should not do. It's 2026, women should be able to do whatever the heck they want without judgement. But, whatever they decide to do, they should just focus on giving it their all. If they are at work, they should enjoy their job and not worry about what might be happening at home. And if they are at home, they should enjoy their family and not wonder what is going on beyond their front door.

Having this mentality made me realize that having a "normal" and "boring" life (which I apparently have, according to the endless scribbles of mundane activities written all over my calendar) is actually a blessing. It has helped me live the moment with and beside my babies. When I have work, I stay up late after the kids are down and I enjoy my job and the paycheck that comes with it. When I don't have work, I enjoy going to bed at the same time as my children so I can have energy the next day to take them to the park or the library.

I also know that there are women that do not have a choice. Some can't afford not to work, while others live in situations that do not permit them to leave their home. And for those women, my heart goes out to them, deeply and sincerely. The only thing I can say is that working is a blessing, and staying home is a blessing. There is purpose in both roles and I hope they find peace in knowing that.

I know I am blessed beyond measure, and the craziest part is that I know I have done nothing to deserve these blessings. All I can do is praise the Lord and be eternally grateful and devoted to living today to the fullest, whether I get to see the sunrise of tomorrow or not.