"If you over-plan, you close the door on possibilities." - Patti Smith

One of my biggest qualities is also my biggest flaw: over-planning. My planning and organizational skills have allowed me to simultaneously and successfully juggle a full-time job, two-part time jobs, a medical/legal/business translation certification, a rigorous French-studying program, a consistent workout routine, a home, and my hobbies. However, it has also caused me to miss out on appreciating certain events. Instead of finding joy in the unpredictability of life, I often found it frustrating when things didn't go as planned.

Over the past few years, especially during COVID, I became self-aware of this flaw and I decided it was time to change. I needed something as drastic as a lockdown to interrupt my fast-paced routine in order to take a step back and stop rushing through life. Time waits for no one, and we all have the same fate whether we lived to the fullest or not. While I still over-plan, over-think, and have a meticulous to-do list on my desk at all times, I only use this skill in the areas where it serves as a benefit rather than an obstacle, such as work tasks, homework, and house chores. Yet, I allow things to take their course and try to remain calm and grateful. I have not mastered this skill since it goes against my very nature, but I see myself improving every day. I laugh more, I sleep better, I easily let things go, and I trust myself and those around me a lot more.

On my last blog, I talked about feeling satisfied even though I did not get a job I really wanted. Well, within a couple of weeks of posting that, I got a call from the manager saying that things had changed and he wanted to offer me the role. I was quite surprised since I had made peace with the fact that the job had been offered to someone else. Nevertheless, I still wanted it, so I accepted.

Some people told me I was lucky, some people said I was being tried and that God decided to give me the job after I passed His test. In truth, I don't think any of us really know why things happen the way they do. I certainly trust that there is always a reason for the way things play out, but I don't pretend to know the reasons or have all the answers. I don't think everything is a lesson and I certainly don't believe that life is fair, the only thing I am sure of is that barely anything is truly under our control. There are so many factors playing into everything that happens each and every day. As hard as we may work and as much money as we may save, the reality is that will forever be living in constant unpredictability. We can't control people's thoughts and actions, the weather, the passage of time, diseases, natural disasters, pandemics, wars, and the past or the future. The only one that has any control over anything at all is God; and while the thought of not knowing what's going to happen or of not having any power over anything used to scare me, it now brings me some sort of relief.

So many things are currently unraveling as I type this; but instead of feeling panic, I feel at peace. I still plan and think ahead, but I do not dwell on the unknown as long as I used to. I do not let it control me. I simply make sure I have my priorities straight so that I can react accordingly when something unexpected comes my way. I am going to focus on the now and on the things I can control. I am going to give this new job my absolute best. I will take it one day at a time and continue doing all the things I have already been doing, the only difference is that now I get to enjoy them a little bit more than I did before.